wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
