Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
