it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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