he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
