He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
