I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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