I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
