just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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