So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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