I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
