I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
