i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
