so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
