he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
