she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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