Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
