Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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