she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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