Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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