Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
