I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
