toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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