they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
