is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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