Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
