Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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