Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
