I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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