my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
