This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize