Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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