also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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