Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
