fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
