Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
