plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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