Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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