i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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