i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
