I cockslap morals
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
