i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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