oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
