but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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