Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
