So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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