I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
