it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
