WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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