its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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