This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
