Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
