I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
