We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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