just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
