I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
