I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
